I hope for something to be almost perfect… but it won’t be…
I hope for a thing to be more flexible… but it did not…
Instead, it worsened!

Everything to be change, but nothing I could change…
Every single matter to be sorted, but life never approved…
Every woe had a coming stop, but mine almost none…
It may not be…

The next three years I would be in New Zealand…
Sent by Allah… God Willing…
Hoping for something to change…
A little change I would be very thankful…

I felt quite tired playing around all these things… but it never changes.
So, what for?...
Are all these trying to make a mockery of me?

But,
Alhamdulillah…
I’m alive…
Up to now.

It was nothing to throw the books at everyone even though I felt like everybody was trying to make a mockery of the project… even though I felt it was not coincident!... a pigment of truth has yet been met…

“Dead in the water”. I got that fright of my life since I knew more about myself. I must keep my end up, struggling for honour I aimed!

NTCY08

I have gone through the Kenegaraan course organized by Biro Tatanegara of Prime Minister Department. It was the National Teachers Conference Year 2008(NTCY08)…

Biro Tatanegara Programme is waiting for me to come… The location is just the same as the first BTN I attended last year in the month of July… and for sure the facilitators will also be the same. However, I get a fright of my life when talking about such programme! It is not kind of hatred feeling, I enjoyed myself in the last BTN but there were parts that I felt very scared of somehow. And that occurred when LDK and kind of provocation(it’s not provocation actually) took place… but this coming second BTN will be more challenging and unpleasant. The ways for sure will completely change. Everything has changed…

end of pain for all... yOu aLL HaVe bEeN vErY KiNd tO mE... tHaNkS aLoT!!!

Awards from my imaginary friend which I had been told to pronounce for your hardworking days you spent:

1…………..the best leaders of all. Sahrul has been the greatest leader since I knew him handling lots of community projects and he really deserved it...2…………..k.wani, not knowing how to describe, has been the best of the best female leaders (of all actually), having lots of difficult days since we were all introduced into the third semester... very precious towards the 'community'.
3…………..Farah, also known as ‘Cg’ (as to me), the most perseverance member of the house…
4…………..Fieqa, I should be calling her, the most effective leader… a great respect I put onto her. She managed Water Gala very well… well done, my friend! and others too…
5…………..the best advisers I should call upon… you have been meeting all the ‘requirement' to accept this…
6…………..the most understanding of all.
7…………..the best assistants
8…………..the most patient... all of you ladies and gentlemen!
9…………..the best captain/conductor
10…………the most right
11…………the most hardworking
12…………the most indispensable of all

Know the legend leaders in my book.
Leader of great projects… Orphanage project in Kuala Terengganu, Terengganu… programme with Orang Asli in Kuala Lipis, Pahang
Leader of Water Gala event
Leader of Convocation function

Once you’re a leader, you must always be a leader… a leader must act as a leader, taking good care of the welfare of all… that what i've learnt!

Thanks Allah for giving me chances to go through the third semester that I have learnt a lot… it was just a start… I knew

Once you understand your role, everything will be smoothly and perfectly done… no matter how busy you are with your own/personal problems you encounter, a task is a task... and a role is a role...

UNITEN… where dreams come true…
UNITEN… part of home… a home to remember

a home of all...

I won’t let anything unpredictable and unwanted happen during the matrix of process of Orang Asli project… because it was a big ‘amanah’… a big responsibility I should play in… amanah from my dean… my adviser… but as my heart whispered, I should not be a leader as I uphold my father’s saying: “satu-satunya makhluk di dunia ni yang sanggup menerima amanah dari Allah hanya kalangan manusia sahaja. Semua makhluk selain manusia x berani nk menerimanya kerana sesungguhnya amanah itu amatlah berat tanggungjawabnya”… I did not say that I could not be a leader… but masa yang sesuai belum tiba as I am not matured as others… You all know me kn! I need time to learn to be a leader. …

Convocation is just around the corner. Not knowing I am going or not going, my head puzzled. One thing to remember… no matter what professions do we take and no matter how big we are in an organization, do not do last minute work as shown by one of the faculties here. It might tarnish your image and your company’s as well. As we work later on, be as professional as we can. I need formality!!!!!!!!!!!!…we need formality!!!!!!!!!!!...not just teach and in a sudden, mid-term test we have to sit for without formal note. What the hell is it!!!!!!!!!!!
That was not a good example to view… really really bad to uphold. Please friends…

nothing much i could do...

I went home… because life is uncertain there… uncertainty came into my life long moon ago… not because I did not want to see friends again…
I do really want… you have been my best friends… no doubt about that. I am afraid of the woes at UNITEN… with the faculty management… there is not certainty… no at all…

I went back because I felt… I felt it was all not coincident… the uncertainty faced by me, my poor self,… the uncertainty happening within the faculty as I entered the university a year ago… not anymore coincident…

Anywhere I went, uncertainty would reign… no one can dispute that fact…

I went home because I did want to distribute problems to all of you… I went home because I felt I must…

I went home because I knew you all suffer. I could not even open my two eyes to have a look at your hardworking days… long I knew…

I went home because I did want to meet any kind of uncertainty again because it has been making me sad and sad as seconds passed.

I went home because I felt it was a must… a must to be fulfilled… long I stood… it was all uncertain.

I fall between the two tools… it was all uncertain… I fall between Monash and Auckland…
I fall between in and out of country to pursue…

I fall between going home and staying at UNITEN…

I fall between making medical check-up right now and later…

I fall the utmost between jahil rulers and more knowledgeable group of people… who should I go with???????????????who??????????

all I have printed in my note book. Each woe I wrote… because nothing much I could do to myself… writing was all I can… it was all written on my book… how much you all suffer from me and my own suffer…

no one could tell. I went home as it was a must… for better life of others… and that I should pronounce myself… “Very poor on me”… it was not coincident at all… not at all

This morning, SELSET had reminded us many things of preparing ourselves(those who are pursuing their studies in New Zealand) and a lot of lot of things she did mention in the session. Passport, visa and medical check-up making are among those utmost essential things to be settled in this short period of time. And also regarding on the accommodation application of the desired university of our choice. this morning posed, i would say, kind of chaos among us that we need to settled things up (at least passport and medical check-up making) within a month. That's long enough i think.

Towards completion… that was a nice phrase. I like it. I got from Najwa. Thanks a lot!

the time has been flowing very fast. two more weeks still left.............. and then we disperse...
a time flow to be remember!.....

I know nothing about the future...
Long I am standing and gazing and thinking… thinking of what I am going to face… thinking of when I am going to be back to my hometown for the last time… I think and think some more… and think some more, trying to seek for something I never went and got through…
Sadness has been appearing… and appearing with a non-stop mode… it keeps going and going. I have spoken sometimes but yet again I have been silence for quite a long time, I remembered because I have been keeping too much memory. They are all in my mind…

slowly it moves....

Everybody is going to head for home…
leaving UNITEN (especially Amanah and Ilmu) entirely homeless.
It is really touching
When
at last all classmates who has been doing intensive classes in Calculus and Physics, are packing for home…
some have already gone…
and I’m alone…
I’m very afraid I cannot see you all again…
I’m afraid if the ‘time’ arrives.
And I have no longer chance to be in this great ‘family’ again.
Tomorrow (September 27) will be my turn.

Sani Express… 9.00 am…


17 more hours left…

It has been a very long time I did not update my blogger even a word…
As mentioned, it was not me not to update… it was all about this semester woes that we could not escape. This particular semester I expected to be very simple and easygoing seemed to be vice versa. Mood swings were everywhere, every moment we were at.
But I have got to be as strong as possible…
I have to be kind of venturesome although I’m afraid to…

It is better to care for many rather than only one
Eventhough it is the ‘one’ that I love very much
It is better to take care of many hearts rather than one heart
It has been my mistake
A big mistake to be caring and loving
Towards ‘it’
All this while
And now I realized
We could not satisfy all hearts
We should ignore the one
Whose
Face was really really
Irritating me and others tooooo
Its behaviors to NEVER
Remember!!!!
Let ‘it’ drives its own life
because
we have more indispensable work to be done.
Not only ‘it’!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have our own ways and it has it’s.
I have my family. Bigger responsibility should I play in there.
Peer is just a peer.
Just a peer!!!
No more than that!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s PPOU… members of the House…
They were all having fun with the kayaks…
I could see…
The boys…
Laughing towards the girls..
And
The girls…
They gave a feedback…
Although it was quite soft and gentle…
At least some things penetrated my ears…
It was very very pleasant to my two ears…
Laughing about myself, it was a real joke…
to say a friend(very confidential to reveal his name) when he shouted,
there would be a big hole that the tasek would automatically be waterless… so that the four of us could take back the floating bottles and the rectangular rocks attached to the bottles itself under the sea level…
Hahahahha… what’s a true joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha…

It happened again and again…
Still could not catch up

and

have deep understanding of the morning lecture…
I was so dumbfounded!!!!
All have been very understandable…
Of what the topics were all about…
The expressions…
They distributed successfully…
but me…

nooooottthing.

“You are irresponsible!!!” That was what I wanted to hear from you all…

thinking and thinking then...

and thinking some more...

i hope the 'confusion' would reach its end...

although i felt...

it would never be...

ya Allah...

trembling

In the ‘dReAmiNg’ world, I spent about two days…
It was very sweet!!! Desperately sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!
The movie
But there was one thing about me which I could not avoid…
It was very bad… extremely bad towards my life-to-be… and people around.
I’m afraid…
if the ‘thing’ would never come to an end…
Diriku dicipta lain daripada yang lain…
No one would notice that…
Sometimes, the ‘thing’ dismayed me that I felt regret towards my existence in this world…
I know it is a big sin to mention that… very big one!!!
Sometimes, i felt it was very unfair!!!!!!!… because of that ‘thing’, I suffered…
No one knows about the ‘thing’ I have been doing…
Sometimes, my heart started asking me: when is the end??? How much time I should wait for the ‘hikmah’ to come??? Two years??? Fifteen years???
Or..
Or it would never end…
Hoping for someone to change me…
in my prayer, selalu kupohon kewujudan seseorang yang akan memimpin diriku ke jalan yang benar lagi lurus…
and to vanish that bad ‘thing’
entirely…
entirely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was all my fault to have started the ‘thing’…
has been seven years...
it has been my responsibility
to get clear of it…
to change my perceptions towards all men and women
ladies and gentlemen
boys and girls

seven years is the long time...
sometimes
I felt
I would never make it
one story to remember…
‘100 days with Mr. Arrogant’... I had a chance to watch it… it was yesterday.
Posting me a deep message, I was really touching of what happened in the movie
when it was proceeding its ways.

Alangkah baiknya sekiranya diriku normal seperti manusia lain… Mr. Arrogant was the one…
I admire.
I know
Everyone knows
it is just a story…

But for me…
the story brings true life.

LeT's hAvE a TiMe iN iT!...............

never in my life, i felt nothing while riding bus..........
it was so empty..........

i need some time to rest...!!!
finally..........................it comes.....!!!!!!!!!!

the most hatred thing... when people having less self-confidence dealing with his life...

This morning I dropped by a place…
Where I could see some familiar faces…
Miqdad… Al-hafizuddin… Izzat… amin… firdaus… aisya… jazlina…others.
A place which consisted of a lot of memories…
I faced very sweet memorial marks…
The stage…
Where Ranniey and friends came out with jokes and a lot of laughs…
Where Miqdad, my lovely brother, delivered his great speech… during the great dinner
Feeling very very very very very very very proud of him, I had to…
I had to leave him…
… August 4, 2008 to August 8, 2008… The Residence Hotel
A place to never forget…
A memory to be placed in my deep heart…
A place to remember!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
: (

things to remember... i cannot f...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

staring onto the sky... miss you all kids....!!!!

no more

I’m back in the ‘lonely’ world… no more kids to play jokes with… no more cheerful faces… they were all going back to their respective homes… it was a very2 sad ending.
Today was the day… : (
Miqdal... al-haffizuddin... amin... izzat... others. really really really really really really miss you all guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do not want to give up...

afraid... :(

asalku hanya di Terengganu

Confused between the ‘two’…

end of TOT programme

TOT programme had just reached the end…
I liked the programme!!!!… totally happy with the ways it flowed…
With the presence of Bro Nico… we were very teased with a lot of jokes he posed…
Just looking at his face, someone would be laughing and laughing then…
And laughing some more… haha

I felt hot today… the whole body… maybe because of the ‘kerang’ I put into my mouth last night… may be…
I had psychology class today with Dr. Nash… the best motivator ever…
But one thing disappointed me… I felt I was getting irritated as I could not grab any meanings of each sentence in today’s lecture…
Feeling very embarrassed since I could not understand and come out with ideas, I kept myself silence the whole lecture…
Feeling very depressed since everyone came out with a lot of beautiful thoughts… not like me… I felt I was in the old cave very lonely… the darkness celebrated its success, overtaking the brightness of all…

feeling poor about myself

speechless.

it seemed that you has all been lying to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one mistake.......it was very big one the history ever had!!!...

I know someone would read this post this night… very very sure of that…
You all saw how Sahrul led our visit to one of the orphanages in Terengganu last time?
How he managed the project???
You all know that…
Me as a “pengarah”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a ridiculous thing I heard from history…
A person who did not know anything you all appointed him as a “pengarah”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The problem is that…not because I cannot do the work…
I like doing such work very very much…
But compared with Sahrul… he is more more suitable to fix the post…
What had I done last time??? Nothing I did in the last project… while him… a lot of things he did…
He did ‘budi bicara’ with pak ariff perfectly…
He did manage all boys and girls…
He acts as a ‘real manager’ the history ever had…
He did very very well as a ‘pengarah’…
You all girls might not know how he had been in Amanah last time…
He worked tooooo hard for just a project…calling and meeting here and there…

I knew… every time I watched him… asking friends to know where he had been when he won’t be around… I knew!!!!!!!!!!!
A lot of ideas he contributed… while me… nothing!!!! Nothing at all…
It was just ‘me’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!… “tu ker name ketua???” somebody will come out with that some day…absolutely beyond doubt true…
You all know that… so why chose me???
I don’t mind if I get a lot of work to be settled up although they are the ‘pengarah’’s work… but to be appointed as a ‘ketua’!!!!!!!!… it is not my nature at all…
I hate to be ‘named’ as ‘pengarah’...
I was just a member of the House…
It was just me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I beg how ………….. i am not him!!!

Just arrived here(UNITEN) from the Heritage Waterfront City… Kuala Terengganu… after two-week break. Mom and Dad, Muhammad Hilmi, Nur Hidayah, Ahmad Fathi, Nor Aini…

I will miss you all in this period of time…
May Allah bless you all…

She looks very happy the time I come home… but turns sad when I leave home…
Sorry Mom… I have to go…

July 6, 2008
9.30 am
Mutiara Bus
Majlis Bandaraya Kuala Terengganu Bus Station

Ya Allah… give her and me strength to face that…

oNe SuDDeNNeSs

Last two days, my father fetched me and we headed to a bank. It was Bank Islam that we were concerned on…
It was already 10 o’clock in the very pleasant morning. It seemed to be extremely hard just to find a single area of 40 ft cubic of parking space around the building for a 5-year-olds Waja.
Taking approximately couple of minutes to meet with luck, eventually we got one, heaving a great sigh of relief somehow.

We rushed to the bank immediately to settle up what we needed to settle (hard to explain).
But in that particular moment when I reached the entrance, the bank was no longer to be my single focus…
But one ‘Miss’… “no!!! she should be ‘Mrs’”… “NO!!!!... calling her ‘miss’ should be better as there were many customers did call her ‘miss’… and I did so…following the others… hehe

With magnificent honour she greeted us to the bank…
I remembered the first question she asked us… ‘how can I help you?’… her voice was awfully soft and very pleasant to my two ears…
With her good-looking face and pretty ‘miss’, it was no doubt that all the customers of the day were very pleased… I’m very very sure of that… like my friend, Hafiz’ saying “absolutely beyond doubt true”… absolutely!!...haha

She was there as one of the bank assistances to give hand for those who were in trouble handling the ATM machine… and as a source for the visitors to ask anything…any questions with regard on depositing or withdrawing money, facing the bankers manning the counters in front…( her job would be more than that) I guessed…

Something overwhelmed me…
Her spirit…with boundless energy that she just stood next to the entrance for the whole day facing all kind of numerous face expressions of the day…
No one could irritate her even a guy with plenty of predicament showing thousand lines of frown on his forehead…
That was what I guessed somehow…

But… she was very very nice… her smile was cool enough to bring the ‘warm’ of the day into as cool as it could be as she gave a friendly grin…just a grin!!!!!…
Once she had a chance to talk to me. She started with “adik nombor brape?lame doh tunggu?(Terengganu slang)”… “duduk r lu”… and then she began to come out with five “WH” questions about my studies( past, future and to-be studies)…
But it did not take so long as more and more customers seemed to drag themselves into the bank, cutting our conversation off immediately somehow…

I understood that… a worker must react as a real worker. No matter what professions he or she is going to get involved with.
But the lady…I meant the ‘miss’ had properly worked hard…
A ‘miss’ with boundless energy…
My great respect and honour for her…

...iT wAs CrYiNg...

Something unexpected happened at my hometown, Kuala Terengganu…a tree commonly called “pokok pait” by the locals has been dropping ‘tears’ that the locals said the tree has been crying…

The tree is in the Masjid Bukit Besar Islamic Graveyard area, approximately 5 kilometers away from my village and has been “dropping tears” since five days ago. Saturday was the beginning.

As I drove one of my peers to his home which is very very closed to the graveyard where the tree stood, he said that the water “terpancut-pancut” came out from the trunk of the tree the first day of the occurance.

It was extremely hard to believe at the first second I heard the news. I thought he was just kidding me but his face expression told me everything that the story was very true and I started to believe then.

My heart kept on telling… “There was something wrong about the tree”… “It was crying!!!”… Something wrong out there… I did not know what to say about the phenomenon… It was really really weird, right?

There is something special about the tree however…
Many locals were trying to fill their empty drinking water bottles up and tasting the water which they believed to be rich with nutrients. Formerly they made use of its leaves as medicine, as according to them, they comprise of a lot of nutrients for maintaining our health in one aspect…nevertheless, no proof has been met…

as you wish my great queen...let's battle!!!!!

Every American Top Universities (ATU) had stepped away from UNITEN…
With no exception of FELDA scholars…
The apartment was getting gloomy and somber and creepy from the time being…
…really really miss you all guys…Sahrul...Azan…Amar…Amri…Hazrool…Hairul…Rais…ect.

unforgettable moment... a second to remember... :(

Long I had a talk with a peer last night… a peer who preferred to be called Azan…
One thing that I did not expect from it…you know what???...

We communicated in English!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at last… eventhough it was kind of broken English… or better to say ‘bahasa rojak’… but we are trying…
But I think it was too late for me to boost my proficiency in English Language…
I really really hope more time we spent to get used in such language…but…
It has been very very late already…
And I should know that…
The time is just around the corner…
And he, namely Azan…would be out tomorrow…
And we won’t probably meet again…
We should know that…
In the name of Allah…the Most Caring and the Most Merciful, I really really hope the chance would come… aminn.

Last night, he told his experience while sitting for his TOFL in the previous moment… and introduced me how the TOFL ran…

Last night, he came out with a word that he really really loved a person… a woman to remember and be hold in his heart…

I’m very very sure everyone knows that… she has been very very strong all this while and I really really respect her… Azan, a word from me. “jage cg aku baek2”… amanat nie!!! And for cg… “jage Azan baek2”…

Last night, he told me a story… a horrible story of his when he was at his secondary school, Sek. Men. Sultan Ahmad Shah if I am not mistaken… I won’t further the story…as it was really really bad…

Last night, he came out with his plans with regard of his ‘life to be’… a great plans towards his ‘wife to be’… and too regarding on his field of work that he would retire from being a maritime engineer to be a teacher…a special education teacher when the time comes…

Last night, there was something that made me think…overwhelmed me.
To be true, I did not actually sleep that particular night owing to a “thought” about the teachers who have been very very ‘kesian’ that the students has been making them ‘crazy’ and thus the teachers are always in pool of troubles and sadness…. expressed by him…

Last night, I was very very sad that I could not even close my eyes to have a five-hour rest… it was really really a bad story!!!... … even sadder than before…
a great challenge for all ‘teachers to be’…

Last night I hope to last forever and the talk to be endless, he stopped from coming out with words… no more natural wave of his voice penetrated my two ears… nothing I could hear… nothing at all…

a teacher must know how to cope with that situation…or even worse than that…
a teacher must be strong in all cases and troubles he or she would be facing…
a teacher must not be underestimated by students… or otherwise.
a teacher must create a new generation…a generation where the students know what is the ‘adab berguru’ exactly means…
a teacher must exist!!!…


a teacher must always be a teacher…….
To teach and learn…
To speak and confirm…
To be missed and loved…and
To tease and rememberrrr!!…

It was all about a ‘thought’... a thought… and a thought…
A ‘thought’ by him to be hold in my heart…….. and destroyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A thought to remember ever and ever…….
…my great friend…

There has been a voice that was dire awesome…
a voice that was to be very pleasant to my ears ever…
a voice I used to when getting sad and miserable…
a voice to tremble one’s heart…

and it is becoming a gift…

my gift for you…(you tube: hamed shakernejad (part 2))… kind of ‘bayati song’…
really hope for you to figure it out by yourself and listen… the only gift I can distribute…
…my great friend…

The Last Second...last update...

…this month and the upcoming two months which are very near I have been calling “the last second”…
Only this short period of time I shall be meeting those who are going abroad this July and August…
And for that... I really appreciate the remaining seconds we get together…we talk and whisper…haha…

I meant we tease each other…normal thing, right!!! Especially during “this last second”…
It has been very very true that a friend is awfully important in our life… I got that!!!
And that was what I called ‘great friends’, who gave me ‘life’ to live in UNITEN…
Especially him… a person to never be forgotten…

Last day, I ‘overheard’ in some writing within someone’s blog…he had pronounced that the American Top Universities, a short form for ATU had finished its way…but I don’t think so…
I strongly disagree with that statement during the press conference that he pronounced…
extremely disagree with that…

The most hatred thing I ever had when someone comes out with the word ‘finished’ as well as ‘ended’…
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would not accept that…
As long as a person used to be with the ATU group, it would be last forever and the programme would never end…never!!!
It raised myself again…to a great anger…
Nobody could say that… nobody!!!
And with this, I demand to come to a new press conference, my great friend…
I demand……
I demand……
I demand…… (become weaker)
I…
i…dema…deman….demanddd…(in pools of tears)
I afr…afra…afraid…
Owh my God….my ‘empire’!!!
My greatest wall!!!... It cracks some more…
My citizens!!!!!! Be prepared for a great battle our history has ever had!!!

(flashback)
I’m so afraid…
I’m afraid of “the last second”…something that has been ‘hurting’ me all this while…
And everything with the word ‘last’…I scared…
I felt…
Nothing… happy sometime…but
“Am I happy??? What is it for???” My second ‘me’ kept on asking me…

Every ATU student spoke fluent English while me…I’m nothing…
I’m too slow…
Owing to my slowness, they started to begin the conversation in our first language…
In that case, it was no doubt that I was the problem…
My speed of pronouncing a word was very very slow…
In fact, I’m lacking of ideas…
I have a lot of difficulties to combine ideas to come out with words…
It was dire hurtful…
And that was what I’m worrying about…

9 more days…

Roughly it finished…it was very very tough…somehow…

n I…

I would be missing the greatest people I ever saw…AP Dr. Abu Bakar…AP Dr. Nasri…and all FELDA scholars…Mr. Sahrul…Mr. Fizuan…Mr. Hairul… and other (Mr)s who are going to fly this year…

All has been so great to me…

There is a song for one……by Avril Lavigne…hope ‘you’ enjoy it yourself…

An advice to tease and remember for ‘you’:

…always remember Allah, the Almighty…
…always keep on your hard works...till the end of the day…
…always tell the good news to your family especially to your Mom…
…and always seeking Allah’s help when you are in troubles…

And with this…
I pronounce the long term warfare…
has ended…for the moment...

Let it be a lesson for one and for all…

Today was quite bad…
That was what I felt five minutes before the invigilator started to collect the papers…
And the feeling has been so true and coincident with what I thought last night…
I had no idea right now…
But anyway…
“daging masak merah” fried rice is very delicious!!!
The taste is really really great!!! You should try on your own…

12 days more left…

I could feel some hits towards my body…it was dire hurtful…
Thus, I spent more time laying on the sofa and bed too…
I was very very tired today…
IELTS has beed the utmost thing of my list up-to-now…
And of course the tomorrow and the next day’s tests…
I had no idea about what questions would apparently come out…
But as MR Abu Bakar said… “the things are there(Calculus text book) already…
all you have to do is to just try out the exercises the text book carries”…
“it is all just about you whether you want to make things happen or not”(new version of translation) …I remember that…

Hurmm…somehow..today…
I just want to say…
Good luck for the upcoming Physics and Calculus tests!!!…
I wish you…all the best!!! See ya!!!

The question!!!...it was a very very good…the best of all I think…
but Azizul knew better than I did… but anyway, just leave it behind…
just focus on IELTS…
I got oranges today!!!!!!yay!!!...at last…after a month time…
the ten oranges were bought by a friend…Sahrul was the call…
thanks sahr!!!!...a gift to deeply appreciate...…
those were what my tongue has been missing for…huh
their taste!!!! What a very….
But…not the sour one…haha
The more the level of sour…the more nutrients they carry in…
That what’s I believed in... what do you feel about it???
But anyway, I hate the sour thing…
You might want to make some research on that…
Okay…happy surfing!!!

14 days more left…

Coming back from up10, the most popular food court in the world…haha…
But…
Our IELTS is coming!!!...it would be the utmost dangerous part while being in UNITEN apparently…
But anyway, thanks a lot Azizul!!! The question you distributed during the IDP session this morning make me deeply think and think some more for better life as an upcoming university student …thanks again!!!

....

I did not know what is going to me…sometimes…like this…sometimes…like that…and sometimes…empty.
I do not know…
Who am I ???
A question mark there…
I come back after long days rest…but it was not a good rest…
I was not actually resting for common physical tiredness I encountered apparently…but…
But…I rested owing to the very very unbeneficial thought and work during the whole days I faced…
Instead of doing some Calculus exercises at each end of each subtopic, the thought is still playing around my head and mind.

Overall, it disturbed me a lot…posing to difficulties in focusing the subjects during the lecture time…it was very very annoying!!!

I made myself at the Tun Mahathir Lecture Series yesterday…
it was better instead of just staying at Amanah I think…eventhough I totally did not understand what Mr. Robert talked about in the official ceremony…

What had he talked about actually???

I just knew the word ‘innovation’…haha…that was me…

How could J and the other peers understand the talk…???
Doesn’t the way the man speak… I meant the slang he used to talk difficult to understand…even trying to catch up even a word…???

but somehow…at least I had a precious opportunity of hearing how a native speaker from America talked…I meant the slang he used to speak up…

Sincerely I admitted that I totally could not understand him... it was very fortunate to have friends like Fadzhil…Hazrool…Amri with no exception of Azan…
Salam ukhwah,friends…

And I should call them ‘Group of four, The Great Interpretors’… what did you think about them???

Lacking of general knowledge and vocabulary as well is the utmost concern of my list so far… how can I live within such knowledgeable people in the nearest time???

The New Zealanders…they must be very very good and competitive… I’m afraid…
I’m afraid of trying to be venturesome…

(today)…five minutes ago…I became sympathy to myself… I did not know how it could be… or maybe I knew… apparently, I had to be like that…

In many cases happening in this semester extremely challenged me from the time being… because the things were totally different…

Everyone hates kind of ‘hatred’ feeling or being hated…
i'm afraid if i made some mistakes friend...
extremely fear owing to that...

I’m stuck… ya Rahman…ya Rahim…
It has been more than two months… I suffered…

My heart:Hafiz, can you lend me your bicycle???...
Hafiz: my pleasure…
My heart(now): thank goodness!!!...alhamdulillah…that’s very kind of you…
Finally…for the first time in UNITEN…I rode the vehicle…
It saved my store of energy and of course my precious time…
But IELTS is coming…trembling my entire heart…huuhu…
extremely afraid of that…

I became angry... not because I hate that particular ‘thing’…
Sometimes, I became very angry because I really love ‘it’…
No one could tell how much I love ‘it’…
I’m afraid…
Am I arrogant???
Really afraid of such question…
With the nod from miss Eliza to say in Malay…
‘Tunduknyer aku’…
Really really afraid of that…
I felt like I want to destroy myself… 
I felt like I want to ruin all ‘things’ worsening me…
Even I don’t want to meet ‘it’ anymore…
But I love ‘it’ so much somehow…
No one would expect that…
And for that…I should say to myself… “It is very poor on me”…
Always say that
when I’m alone…

a tEaSe tO aPpReCiAtE AnD rEmEmBeR...

I could feel it today!!! Alhamdulillah….
Today was the best day…ever and ever…

I could not even say that today would be neither the happiest nor the saddest day in my entire life…
Even I could not say neither the war has been ended nor it was still warm…

I could not even say neither I was being freed from pools of troubles striking me from the time being…

I could not say anything up-to-date…even a word….

Forty five minutes ago, I made a decision…a decision I never made before within 19 years I lived on Earth… it was merely a decision…

Forty minutes ago, I made a call… it was an evening call... where everyone at my home was very exhausted after facing all days along... my brothers and sisters seemed to be all sleeping for the tiredness they suffered for after having a hard day learning new things at their respective schools…... it made no sense… no answer at all...

And my Mom… she would be extremely tired for what field of works she did the whole day…

But she could still stand on her own foot…never mourned about her tiredness and difficulties and sent it to her sons and daughters… I knew it!!!

Every time she went home approximately at five thirty in the evening, she could still cook for our dinner and even water ‘thousands’ plants at every diagnol around our home…

Forty minutes ago, I did something I had never done before…

Forty minutes ago,…for the first time…I made a call…just want to say ‘Selamat Hari Mok’…(Terengganu version)…

Forty minutes ago, waiting for the call to be answered, I walked around the dining room…I was very eager to hear her enthusiastically voice…

Forty minutes ago, I was very depressed to hear a voice of a woman who is in her fifties………………….my Mom!!!....I knew it!!!

Forty minutes ago, she never expected that I was going to say ‘Selamat Hari Mok’… I guessed I would be the saddest person in the world… for the first time in nineteen years time… what’s an unthankful boy was I?...

Forty minutes ago, starting with the greeting… ‘Selamat Hari Mok’…I could feel she was quite surprised as I never did it before…and her voice…. Her voice tone became soft and even softer than before…

And that what’s forty minutes ago means to me…

…another event to remember…

That’s what we call a ‘mother’… a mother to appreciate and remember….

“Happy Mother’s Day, Mok!!!”

Tomorrow would be our first day of sitting a test…
more specifically, Calculus test that we are going to sit for…
Friday, May 9… the first test to remember…haha
Everyone seems to hold their hand-works of Calculus exercises they had done…
and makes a fast review… I noticed that…

As I could remember, almost 75 percent of the total marks I lost for the recent Calculus quiz...
that I think it is better for not sitting for that quiz at all…
however, the battle must continue…
to the end of the day…

By the way, I wish you all best of luck…
good luck all my peers!!!

.........wondering.........

Everyone wants to be happy... I knew that…
I also want to be happy… all times if possible…
I’m trying to approach that kind of feeling… but for me, it takes time to recover…
and I believe in Allah.
There would be a time when I can feel happy as everybody does…
From the time being, I have so many things crossing in my mind… some of contributing factors blocking me from approaching that feeling I guess…
Wondering… how could I be like this???...


I felt I want to go home right now…but
But…
It is impossible!!! I knew that…
If there would be no Calculus Test this Friday, I think I shall board Transnasional Express going somewhere… the 8-hours journey is the most preferable…or more…
I just want to forget about certain things I missed for…that’s what I really want to do…
It sounds like I still cannot accept the fact…I think so…
Really wondering about my position up-to-now…
…Hoping for an end…Ya Allah…

a journey...

Today…. Today is Sunday apparently, the beginning of the week… and too the end of my pleasure… haha.
I quite missed memorial marks of the previous days…

Apparently, there were girls who went home that contradicted with my expectations…

If I know many of us going home, I definitely would make my steps away from UNITEN to The H

eritage Waterfront City, Kuala Terengganu…my hometown…huhu…why don’t you all tell me that??? What’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I had a chance to have a sighting of a view around Sungai Buloh last Thursday… and all the ways to Serdang by riding KTM… and Mines too… eventhough I was alone…

I really wanted to take some photographs. But everyone seemed to look at me every time I made a motion…it was just a motion!!!...haha…

I had to stop my action, grabbing for my MP4 I put inside my laptop bag instead of the camera I brought along…listening to ‘Tak Ketahuan’ song… a very nice song…

‘A bit disappointed!!!’ no!!!...i don’t think so… as for me, it is better to just keep in your mind for all walks of life… the trees…greens… pigeons… cockroache…lands… hills… family… and all beloved friends…of course!

I would like to swing by Perlis, Kedah, Penang, Langkawi… the lands that I never stand my before… really want to…

Looking outside the windows of my room… I tried to guess which direction my hometown locates…
and too the lands I ever dropped by before… Ipoh and Kota Tinggi…Johor Bahru… ‘ a journey to remember’… doesn’t it sound nice???...haha…

To be continued in a short while… see ya(cg’s sentence)…

...a heart that was extremely broken...hoping for an end...

I think I should get away from here for a while…

hoping for some refreshment of my life…

I think IELTS is not going to my utmost worrying thing…but the ‘feeling’…

it is all about ‘feeling’ as a friend of someone...

It is enough for me to be here for this week…

this heart was extremely cracked...Ya Allah!

i'm afraid!!! Ya Allah!

good bye, friend!

by the way, with the permission from Miss Eliza to say in Malay, from the bottom of my heart, aku mintak maaf banyak2 klu ade salah silap sama ade scr langsung or xlangsung...wahai kawanku!...i think something was not right somewhere...aku betol2 mitak mf... tp tlg lah bgth ape2 yg xkne sme ade dr segi tutur bicara ke...perbuatan...blog ke...krn ssungguhnye, aku hanyalah manusia biasa... manusia yg begitu cetek pngetahuannya...tlg lah bgth utk membaiki diri yg lemah nie...really really hope that... wahai kawanku! : (

Traveler + Counselor = Teacher

“Maybe… I should be a counselor…or maybe… I should be a traveler… not a Physics educationist…” That was what in my mind…
all this while…

A counselor is not going to be too bad I think… as long as he or she likes to contribute advices and some useful talk to people around, I think the best profession for that person to prefer is a councelor…a school counselor… it is not too bad…

As for me, I’m willing to help anybody who is in great need of help…insyaAllah…
eventhough I got problems too…

So, what do you have in your mind with regard on this topic???

A counselor has a very big responsibility towards its patients… I know it is going to be very hard to solve a woe of one’s personality… but I quite relish that kind of job where a counselor has to feel what his or her patients feel. And that is the most important thing to head for the solution…

But somehow…

I like to be a traveler too… a councelor who likes to travel… it is not too bad I think…
Traveling amends a lot of ideas that I could refresh my mind…and could ever contribute it to my future students in a very perfect way… insyaAllah…

I know…I have my right… I have my right to show my opinions…

…but I will ensure it won’t against my Mom’s desire… ever and ever!!!

No matter what profession I use to go with, as long as I am a teacher, I would say it would be ‘fine’…

A teacher will often meet a bus… for the purposes of going to seminars… or completing any visits somewhere… traveling to many sorts of places… a great chance for me to grab a sighting of calmness and wilderness, watching over greens and trees…mountains and islands…

A teacher often faces students having uncountable kinds of problems… and will try his or her damnedest to solve each woe they possess…

As I mentioned previously, a teacher is perfect (in my field of expectations)…a teacher is somehow a traveler….and too a councelor… perfect right???

…Don’t you ever think that???...