As the time goes by, I don’t know how I felt… today I was broken by a news…not to say a news but a rumour just after I had a meet with my friends. Since then I was overcoming with emotion adding my sickness…my old sickness. I was not feeling well since the second semester started. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and don’t know what to do about it. The moment I swallow something then I would feel that I’m going to vomit afterwards. And today is the worst…

my old skill...

I’m just feeling too tired and tired as my life is sufficient for now. Of the moons ago I got calligraphy skill on my own that I practiced writing and writing ‘khat’, the Islamic calligraphy every time I got requests from friends or even teachers in school. They would give me some words or phrases in ‘jawi’ version to me to make recommendations and then I would start to write and write and write. I don’t want such skill to disappear, so that I tried very hard, writing and writing then…daily. But I think it would be sufficient for now…better I retire from the time being.

May be I should have a jog today…

I received his call last night…the happiest...

I had a motivation lecture today with Dr. Nash. When the time went through, Dr Nash had said something that really touched my heart, something that would sometimes help increase my spirit towards my efforts improving my speaking skill. In his planning, he had divided us into twenty groups, three per group that he preferred us to get involved in a forum next Friday. It is going to be the best and the best forum in the world as we would have Joseph and his teammates and another group for the day to come out with ideas and some discussions on the topic of relationship. Thus, everyone would have the opportunity to express their opinions or any objections against the topic discussed. And so am I. it is a good start to develop my speaking style as I post my questions and share my ideas with those panels from the two groups in front. It would be a great 'conference' among us!!!!!!!!!!!!

hoping you all to give your hands...

I was so afraid today. I’m afraid of ‘computing skills’ subject…I’m just too afraid of that…too afraid. May anyone help me???? I need supports from all… I really need it…

'aNTa' iS sTiLL ThE bEsT Of aLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regardless what kind of result ‘anta’ have got, you are still my best and best friend …forever…and ever… I am still in great need of you. I am still in need of you. Just remember that… ‘Anta’ is the best person in the world… keep on working hard for your bright future… and put in your mind that I always pray to Allah for you to have better life in the future. And do not forget to daily wake up early for your Subuh prayer. Good start would head you to good eventuality!!!...even better than that.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH 'ANTA', MY FRIEND??????????????????????

I do not know what’s wrong with him!!!! He did no longer give his great sweet smile. As the time goes through, he has changed a lot… I could feel it…I could see it. It is not like before when we had funny time together and talked each other at the moment we met each other although about a silly thing. But from the time being, there is no more communication between us…have he got big problems??? Was that due to the announced result the last six days that he was very disappointed about his transcript??? Is it the problem??? Was it because of me??? Or was I in problem???... I could feel the differences. This semester carried many differences to me compared with the last semester. And the utmost I could feel was his attitude. He has changed…he has changed a lot… in fact, ‘ana’ got problems that were more and more serious and even more worst than what ‘anta’ has got. That was before I came to UNITEN, carrying a long series of unexpected stories… only The Loved One knows…

I have not been feeling very well since the last two days when I reached Amanah. Fortunately, there was only one-hour class to attend today, the Physics class. It was so many times I had to drag myself to the toilet which is quite far away from my class. I just could not stand with a lot of mucus liquid in my nose. I had to move those things out of my nose. It was really uncomfortable for me to have revisions of my studies the whole day. It was really bad, really bad…

I’m still thinking about how I’m going to face the challenging future life. I wonder how I’m going to live abroad with fewer Malaysian manning the shops and stalls. In fact, there might be no more Malaysian…no more. “Living alone”. Sometimes, I thought it would be very good for me as I will gain a lot of advantages that I can improve my speaking skill, but not only that…everything would be improved automatically. And then I will return to Malaysia, having teaching my students like a native speaker where it would be no more difficulties when I’m going to come out with words. Isn’t it good for me for the future??? But sometimes, I would feel that I really need friends when the time comes for me to live abroad, friends to assist me, to share anything with me, and last but not least to head me to the right path… That is the nature of life.

7 hours trip from Kuala Terengganu to Kuala Lumpur just now was not too bad although I got a severe cough that my throat was going to be very hurt on my way. But it was not last long. I felt better no sooner I had my lunch than. But it was still very painful especially when it began to cough again and again and sometimes I could feel blooding start to occur. However, the cough was not the thing I was very concerned about but my life, how my life is going to be after these 6-days breaks. Would there any improvement in my understanding towards my studies???

J must be waiting for me to resume the previous ‘guppies’ story. Here it is…I was told by my little brother that my fish ponds had been struck by naughty ‘kampong’ boys and had claimed 5 lives the previous day when I was on the way home. I was quite angry about that surprising news. Upon hearing that, I instantaneously made a call back to tell my little brother to handle those culprits. Five mothers were too many for me… Furthermore, they were all female in gender that almost seemed to give birth from the time being. It was too bad…too bad for such mothers to have been killed in such the ruthless way.

Today, I made a quick step, lifting all ponds to the left back corner of my house, a very safe and sound spot for my guppies. And from now on, there would be no more death and stealing from those mischievous boys. I’m very sure about that! I guessed there was no much time left for now that previously I decided to make other three new ponds utilising three other vases when I came back home since I would be back in UNITEN tomorrow morning… but I will take note that and put it in my memory as long as I’m alive… “Rome was not built in a day”…I just have to hold on this…

a GoOd eXaMpLe...

Approximately at five, I stepped out from UNITEN together with my best friend…a very kind friend. Again my journey started. But this time, it was quite different. We headed to KTM Serdang by a taxi my friend had rented. All the way, I was just worried about my friends who are staying at the Amanah Apartment that they decided not to return to their respective homes. I wish you all safe and sound always…I wonder how they could have their meals if the food courts are all closed following Hari Raya Aidiladha. However, I would like to thank Syafiq for his Tiara which contributed a lot all this while…hopefully, it would be the same within the two days of Raya…

Time passed through…without any delay…never…………..Not long after that, we reached Putra Terminal. It was completely dark at the moment we stepped out from the train. Walking all the way to Hentian Putra Station, I was very afraid, afraid of the dispersal not long after that. We had our dinner at the upper floor of the bus station. It was quite a nice dinner somehow where we had a long talk, an unforgettable talk that I put in my memory…forever. But from the time being, I was dire afraid about the oncoming dispersal. It was very bad on me…really bad. I just could not stand that. Why should I face all these miserable things??? Why??? But sometimes I knew I should not make any moan. And I knew…I knew I should not question it at all. It just led to a big sin.

My pleasure had to be sufficient not long after we finished our meals and started to walk downstairs, heading to the entrance of the bus terminal where…where we had to separate ourselves. He was a great man. He was willing to accompany and send me to the terminal instead of heading straight to Pudu Terminal for his departure there. In fact, he was willing to share many things with me...many things. Isn’t it a good start of being closed to friend??? I wondered when the chance would take place again…

What’s the point to be unhappy?????????? Let us fight that… day by day passed through. The situation became worse… this day is the worst of all I think. I do not know what is going on me. Sad and sadder I am such that it devastates me a lot. Ouch!!! “Ya Allah…give me strength to fight this”. I do not know what else to say here. I just become weak and weaker as the time flows… many things happened this week… “Ya Allah”.

the end of the day...

~~~~~~as you wish, My Lord~~~~~

I don’t know my feeling right now…either happy or upset…or neither both…I can’t tell that… I did a few numbers of exercises in Calculus textbook this morning before taking a rest watching ‘The Patriot’, my utmost favourite movie. The movie was quite impressive which told a story about historical warfare between American people and British army. The war had claimed many deaths among the two nations. But a thing that interested me a lot was that the way they were fighting and defending each other. The utmost front soldiers were prone to death as they moved forward approaching each other. And in each group of parade, there would be a captain who played a vital role as he would give order to his soldiers to fire shots. The way they fought is like what is pictured in the movie ‘Napoleon’… I suggest you see your own…

“Ulik Mayang” is the best traditional songs I think. It is good for relaxing after a hard work the whole day. So, try your own…

I feel very sad…very sad that no one can tell that…

no one knows...never!!!

One hour lecture was not too bad today…and I could say “bad” too…it needs a lot of critical thinking that had trembled me a lot when I tried to digest the real meaning of a mathematically sentence. I had to utilise the left part of my brain to the fullest when catching a glimpse at those complicated questions. But that did not mean I gave up earlier. I am not a looser who would easily drop while surprisingly and firstly struck. I got a personal problem…a big problem...but that does not mean I restrain myself from taking any prevention for it would not affect my studies from the time being…only Allah, The Loved One knows…

First quiz was the Calculus one. To my relief, I do not have to worry too much about it since my answer got the same as the Lee’s answer. But, the physics one brought a lot of anxiety on me. I had produced a very wrong answer since I forgot to square the radius between one of the two charges at the first step… and that I considered my mark is going to be lower that 7 out of 10 marks I estimated. But one thing made me very thrilled at the present was that I was able to understand one of my classmates regarding on a Calculus topic. Lastly, I make it!!! And that had overcome my anxiety on the current Physics quiz...

quizzes...home...guppies...

Tomorrow would be our first Calculus and Physics quiz for this semester. That’s trembles me a lot somehow. Nevertheless, I’m still thinking about how I am going to go home for the oncoming ‘Aidiladha’. My utmost concern is my guppies there. Had my little brother feed those guppies??? Did he make addition of water in the ponds since it would experience deficiency of its level every two weeks??? Did he??? By the way, I wish you all the best, friends!!! Keep on making revisions!!!

A holiday fell today. And that was quite very happy news but it was not enough to treat my dullness the whole day. Once again the day became very dull… In addition, my roommate was not here. He had gone to his brother’s home in Shah Alam. And I…I had to stay alone somehow….

I felt very boring the whole day…no can tell that. However, I tried to push myself doing some exercises in the Calculus textbook. But it just took a moment…just a few minutes. And then I pushed the Calculus textbook away and chose Chemistry book as the replacement. Chapter 11 interested me a lot when I read about the boiling point which is related to vapor pressure. For a simple example, Dr. Rose had showed us and explained about how much time it takes for an egg to boil at the Mount Everest instead of boiling it at the lower land. The fact is that it takes much time for an egg to boil at a spot with lower external pressure which is at the mountain. And today with the help from Joseph, I got a lot of info regarding on the topic in only 10 minutes time…thanks Joseph!!!

I felt very boring the whole day…no can tell that. However, I tried to push myself doing some exercises in the Calculus textbook. But it just took a moment…just a few minutes. And then I pushed the Calculus textbook away and chose Chemistry book as the replacement. Chapter 11 interested me a lot when I read about the boiling point which is related to vapor pressure. For a simple example, Dr. Rose had showed us and explained about how much time it takes for an egg to boil at the Mount Everest instead of boiling it at the lower land. The fact is that it takes much time for an egg to boil at a spot with lower external pressure which is at the mountain. And today with the help from Joseph, I got a lot of info regarding on the topic in only 10 minutes time…thanks Joseph!!!

go with the flow...

Everyone seems to go out this weekend for a joyride I thought. And that what had scared me all this while. I’m just afraid of having too much freedom with friends. I’m just afraid of that. My Mom always said to me… “Don’t make friends with those who would probably pose you a lot of problems and take you away from your books”… Mom, I’ll never forget that!!!

I have nothing to deal with boring situation unless playing a game…a very adventurous game namely. “Rise and Fall” is the name. Not to say that I really enjoyed the game, but it was just to be filled up into this dull environment. However, it made no sense as soon as I finished the game. It came back to normal…a very dull situation. Should I go out for a distance walk??? Or get close to nearby roommates?? Or start making revision for the Calculus and Physics quiz this Monday???

Today’s class ended at twelve. Not to say I was quite happy with that. I was just felt a bit relief because we had had non-stop classes since eight in this morning. It was better to relax our mind afterwards. And I… I decided to sit on the chair and, switch on my laptop and begin typing a little word to be put into my blog.

I am still thinking about my going back home that I am going to cancel that plan, if possible, since there are no more bus tickets to be sold. My only chance is just to wait for the additional bus to the coastal areas. But it always poses me unlucky eventuality somehow.

But sometimes I would think why I should need to go home instead of staying in UNITEN and keeping on my works as a foundation student….

i wanna go home... : (

a very nice creature...how do you think???

vErY sAd NeWs... : (

Bus ticket for the route KL- Kuala Terengganu is none anymore... : (

SeCoNd SeMeStEr...the opening : )

Today is my first day of the second semester in this programme. Stepping into our class, we got a little bit shock when we saw Mr. Ahmad Kamal was giving his Calculus lecture for the first topic of chapter 6. Is it too early to give a lecture without a briefing or even without a timetable??? All we had to do was just follow the lecture which took about an hour from eight to nine.

While in the evening we had a nice meeting with Dr. Nash together with our PPOU coordinator, Dr Rosli. We discussed about how to deal with our future life since we are going to be abroad and facing a new environment, a good motivation I thought. Dr. Nash had given a very motivated talk, flashing back what kind of difficulties and obstacles had he undergone when he was in Japan pursuing his studies the last 10 years, if I am not mistaken.

Actually, it was a very interesting motivation talk and opening of our second semester. And I like that way…

...tHe LaSt... : (

I think today’s chit-chat using YM will be the last since my second semester is going to start tomorrow, December 3, 2007. I have to varnish all memories of the pastime. All they just ravage my useful time and strength of my life except some things, things that had given me strength and a lot encouragement throughout my whole life…

iT iS nOt FaiR!!!

Sometimes i feel it is not fair as Utp members for foundation get longer breaks...ouch!!! it is awfully not fair!!! they sat their last paper yesterday...and now..they are packing for home...and would come back around 26 January 2008... isn't it right to say 'too long' for just a second semester???

empty...

I fly in the sky alone…

Feeling very lonely, I have nothing to do…except having daydreamed.

I feel very lonely without the present of my Mom. I feel very lonely without the present of my siblings especially the little one…ouch!! Miss you Mom…

I’m groaning in pain… I feel very sick…very sick that no one can tell that.

Ya Allah, help me to face all these things…Ya Rahman...Ya Rahimm...

arrived at Hentian Kajang about 7.30 in the evening.

three hours left... : (