LoNg i...

Long I stood, thinking and thinking then, thinking about what pieces of words I am going to put into my blog, thinking about how I am going to deal with the stressful life and feeling, thinking on how to stop thinking about what I don’t want to think of. Everywhere I stood I will think about my brothers and sisters especially my Mom in my birth land with no exception of my Dad. I will think about my guppies, the most beloved creature of my possession. I will think about Syahrul and Fazhil and the rest, the “legend” friends I would never forget. As the time went by, I think it was not so bad to befriend with them. I just loved them too much. And my advice here: Appreciate your life to the fullest.

I’m very afraid of my future life. Nothing is more than that. I was wondering how could I live in such big cities without right pronunciations and bad speaking skill. How I’m going to interact and communicate with people around when I reached there? Would I understand the words that come out from their native mouths? Would I? Would there be something interesting me that would ‘boom’ my lonely feeling and dire sadness at all? Would there a person who is really caring and helpful towards my life especially in my studies like my friends did here? Would there?

I am just a ‘kampong’ boy. I just want to learn and learn and learn something. But overseas is not my preference. Sometimes, I just want to drive my Mom here and there, having a look at some hills and trees. But I really want to improve my speaking and listening skills to the fullest. I really want to be a speaker whose pronunciations cannot be denied at all. And that I try to train myself to come out with words I could think the moment I am alone and free.

I need someone besides me…I need people to be at my sides…

If there is something wrong, I admit it is my entire fault. Nothing to do with you. It is just me who did it. From the bottom of my heart, I beg you, please forgive me for all the wrongdoing…I just want that… just let me know what’s the matter. It is merely less than six month I would see your face, friend…I am too afraid about it…too afraid. No one can tell that. You are just like my brother…remember that!!! You have contributed a lot in my life. You have trained me to become a good teacher. You have boosted a very precious idea on how to deal with future students. I beg you, brother!!!

Wondering all the time… I have little to say up to now. The real fact is that I am in great need of rest. The bus!!! I need to board a bus. I need to be in such transportation in order to have speedy recovery of my reputation. I need kind of greenery surroundings and peacefulness. I need trees and some hills to examine in order to recuperate my condition. I need thousands of calmness to store what I have learnt in my little brain. I need to step away from such depression, the only one I am afraid of. I need some help from friends to head me to the very right path, the most precious gift from The Loved One, Allah The Mighty…

“Ohh I thought…if I do this, I will never return to England with honour”. ‘The Patriot’ is still being the best for me at the present anyway. And ‘Narnia’ too.

One quiz left, the Physics quiz, in which it trembles me a lot. Physics needs us to have kind of critical thinking while solving any sorts of problems we encounter. Physics would only be in one’s possession who really loves it. That is what Dr. Yusri always says to us. He never stops from saying that. “You must love Physics and you have to in order to score better”. That is what he often says during lecture time. As for me, it has a very deep meaning, a very good motivation I think.

It is very crucial for a teacher to have a fluent and good ways of teaching that would make the students understand what he or she is trying to say. But how many teachers nowadays have such capabilities. My English language is very bad. I admit it. I am always thinking how I am going to teach my students in the future. I think and think then and think some more. But I respect my friends like Farah, Kak Wani, Kak Husna, Kak Fifi, Hazimah, Joseph, Lee and many others that they have a very good and fluent speaking and smooth teaching. They are all real teachers. From the time being, I try to improve mine. Syahrul had played a vital role in this matter. He had helped me a lot, training me to be a teacher with better ways of teaching…although he never noticed of that.

It ended slowly…very slow and dire soft. The stones had landed gently on the film of water. It was so soft. No more menace triggering chaos and uncertainty points of life. As I was eating a plate of rice incorporating a fried fish and a full spoonful of ‘kangkung’, I wondered how it was going to be. How the quiz would be run by Sir Alan? I had been wondering the matter while putting the meal into my mouth, passing esophagus. Feeling very depressed that I could not go home for this ‘awal Muharram’ and spends time to refresh my mind, I was quite disappointed. And that was the point too. But I would say it was quite good for me as it would be the best time for me to start my bigger aim. I still remember it that I would hold it in my mind all the time…every second…!!!

waiting for the unknown eventuality...

Procrastination is a very bad thing. Once we get used of it, we actually are going to ravage ourselves. Nevertheless, we are not perfect. It might be procrastination somewhere, hardly to be prevented to the fullest. The time seems to be difficult and difficult and more difficult to handle since the next week would be the worth of all weeks before, I think. Four quizzes would be run in three days time next week I expect. Computing skill quiz should be the hardest for me and from the time being I tried to enhance my understanding with the help of my “c-fu” namely Mohd Fadzhil The Legend and Muhammad Syafiq The Great. I would say that computer is not my field, but I’m trying. Hopefully, my efforts will turn out…insyaallah. I wish you all best of luck!!! No more procrastination…

I’m still confusing when ‘it’ would be over…I’m still in great illness, triggering a hard feeling and a lot of disappointment…and chaos too. It became difficult and more difficult as the time went by. How could I cope with these? I was wondering when it would be over, no more agony and sadness approaching me. But sometimes we cannot dispute the fact that those entire things are naturally parts of our life, definitely we can’t behave against the rules of life. My brain capacity should be sufficient for now, no more inputs to be filled up, my neurons have optimally been digesting many things since I was on the earth. And I could feel, I could feel that I became weaker and weaker, lacking the older boundless power, and weak and weak than… “ya Allah…”

Sometimes, I would feel like I’m dreaming…in fact, I’m really dreaming…dreaming for the future event I expect to be very bad for me. The moment I dream, it could be dire hurt. I hurt myself every second I’m having a daydream. It is really breaking my heart as well. Next week we would have our first quiz of computing skill subject. I anticipate that I would fail on that particular quiz. It might be…no!!!… It must be. As I enjoyed watching the movie ‘The Patriot’ where the British armies were hardly attempting to widen their empire all over the American states, I should prohibit myself from emitting out the phrase ‘sound to retreat’. But the words sometimes automatically come out from my mouth as the British soldiers admitted their surrender, showing a white flag at the end. “Sound…………retreat.”….it was very and very and very frustrating eventuality…

be in UNITEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My class ended about four hours later and I made my steps heading to our dean’s office together with my classmate to have some talk and discussion with him about our new timetable before going home. And as I was hearing, there is high probability for our to make a sport-check the next week on Sunday that we are not allowed to be out of UNITEN on that particular day. A reminder from me… be in UNITEN!!!!!!!!

sToRy Of a FRiEnD...

Looking at his face, I would say that he was a very caring person. And that I believe he would have a happy family as the years pass by. I could feel it… I could feel when he tried to have a first-hand look at my eyes to know whether I got low blood pressure or not since I was not feeling well from the time being…his touch…his attitude and characteristics are really similar as what my friends from the previous school did…even more than that I thought…taking care of each other. That’s why I considered him as my special friend…he was really caring. Nowadays, it is quite difficult to find such good and caring person…may Allah bless him and his life…