it has been toooooo long I never hang out with old friends,… 35 of us… we gathered back as a group-family so called… nothing changed actually…. All are with their old styles and ways… like usual… its common thing! no strangeness at all,,,just a bit(if any)..but I did not acknowledge that…

With what happened yesterday, a bit surprise to me…. A great surprise indeed that I have not been expecting it at all…the Phillip Island!!!!!!… good job, peers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... but, one thing for sure, it embrassed me a lot in some ways… one truly friend said “bukan senang nak jumper kt cni, this’s the time…. so use it as much as you can…”… and that’s true!!!!!!!!!!!!!...he’s(and all) are true friends… they are all appreciating the presence of New Zealand comers…
We went to an Island!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What!!!!!!!!!!!????????? I did not expect that….!!!!!!huhuhuhu.and that embrassed me a lot. My heart whispered…klu aku tahu, diorg akan bwk g jalan2 jauh2, I will definitely not be transiting in Melbourne in 5 days..huhuhuhuhuhu… in fact, if I knew quite earlier, my flight to Melbourne won’t be 19th…….hhhhuuuuuuuuuuu. some say(in fact all),”so, what are friends for?kalu bukan untuk menolong antara satu sama lain” huhuuuuu …………. And once again, it embrassed me…bcoz diriku masih tidak mengerti the word “friendship”!!!!!!!... what’s is it meant,guys? just examining all of your behaviours(in fact,I had been examining for quite a long time as we were in UNITEN), you’ve all got what’s the meaning of it…… unfortunately, I have not been in that group until today(I felt)… unluckily, I am still finding….. a search that would never comes to an end I supposed…

Maybe that was one reason which drove me to travel… but… perjalanan hati x sama dgn perjalanan physical( merentasi sempadan antara negeri)… It never solved “that”… but I tried to make it having no different between them… trying and trying…like a ‘crazy’ dude…

the truth...

I’ve reached Melbourne yesterday… Alhamdulillah… meeting some old friends… having talk to them were the most happinest thing in my life I supposed… but not too much… but at least we talk and keep recalling some old experience in the old institution we’ve attended… it is quite nice… very nice indeed. Once we had a lunch at one Indian restaurant. However, I expect nothing happened and changed, but as we resumed our talk and chatting, everything did have. But I did not understand why there must exist a “disagreement” in one case which is supposed not to be… you all should not condemn her,if any,… you should not say bad things on her(or them) and you should not say that she has “buang tabiat”… you should not say she is doing wrong things because we are not used to “it” to be like what she has been doing… you should not say she has been “sesat” just because she acted quite differently(not like before)…
ACTUALLY, you “all” are not been shown by Allah the truth and has not been chosen(at the moment) as the one who gets the hidayah Allah… but she(or them) is the true one… she just followed what Prophet Muhammad SAW and Ulama’ told and “berpesan-pesan” regarding the ”issue”… I think she once went to Sek. Men. Keb. Agama…or…Sek.Men. Agama that she knew what she formerly did was obviously wrong and she kept doing the wrongdoings which were against the Allah and Rasul’ telling without realizing what she was doing was right or wrong at the time,…….that is she might just ignore…. Or maybe she took the “issue” so so so so easily without realizing it is a sin(though small)… Or…. She might not attend any religious schools and she just knew it from Usrah held weekly(or monthly). Nevertheless, I admired her so much with her acts and from stories I ‘ve heard,……., we often think that such a “buang tabiat” thing pictured the bad things happened(or would be happening)…. But one thing for sure, she is not like an “inactive” girl at all…. She did active somehow,…
once you’ve shown by Allah the right path, there would be nothing you should be worrying about….. as Allah has been knowing… He knew what best suit you and this is it…. Just keep on doing good behaviors… manners which are not contradicting the Rasuls’telling….. At least kamu sudah Berjaya mengurangkan dosa-dosa(though small), better than those yang masih tidak menyedari yg mana satu betol and yg mane satu salah… and for you, just be patient and perseverant. INNALLAHAMA’SSOBIRIN…Wallahua’lam

recall... frenz.

sometimes, i remembered.... i remembered how bad i was while being in UNITEN especially,,, maybe that time was my first time trying to adopt with "external" citizen of outer "world".... and so, Allah wanted me to learn something. and "expand myself contribute to the nations... and thats why i has been "written" to be a teacher whose job is to speak and contribute... alhamdullilah... Allah's plans would never cruel towards His creations unless they are trying to ruin themselves in some ways...

sometimes, i remembered Sahrul, someone who has the greatest spirit of leadership and confidence. don't we want that???.... sometimes, when i recalled, i remembered how "nothing" i was before.... compared to others all around me.... sometimes, as the exams comes to an end, i used to listen and observe and examine how could... how could the song Pieces be so rude to me? sometimes, i fell because of it... i have been waiting.... waiting for something i dont really know,,,never know... waAllahua'lam...

stepping down

I felt like ive stepped down today… infact, yesterday… I saw Syafiq Sulaiman, I heard him speaking (always actually)… I became very shy of myself… that’s why I did follow him through his home with his Indonesian friend just now. But he has the spirit while I am not… that made me feel extremely lonely here… years ago, while I felt alone, Joe has been my first victim to talk to…at least I went to my sisters and brothers making some jokes that would make me very very much happier… but now, everything has changed… only those who are opened minded could survive while being abroad… however, I should not blame for my action of watching Tazkirah Ustaz Azhar VERY OFTEN… and I would not,,, but sometimes, somethings whispered to me “ how could you improve your English if you kept watching those Tazkirah videos”… sometimes, I felt that deep whisper came from Syaiton… is it wrong to very often watch such youtube videos??????... Syafiq Sulaiman… he got so many friends… no doubt about that…

some comments on the recent "khat" competition...

definitely, saper2 yang bace post kali mmg bakal terkejut...

for the sake of other participants... for all actually... ana nak sound saper2 yang anjurkan aper2 pertandingan, please TAKE NOTE what i am going to say...

firstly, dlm menentukan saper yang bakal menang satu2 pertandingan mestilah diteliti betol2...
bagi saper2 yg x arif pasal khat, just jangan melibatkan diri dlm men"judge" whos going to win...
PLEASSSSSSSSSS! kiter bukannyer xde juri yang ariff... pak2 Arab kn ade... kiter kn ade IMAM SHEIKH RAFAT... so, whats the risk????? bukannyer susah. diorang lebih tahu psl seni2 khat..

secondly, dlm pertandingan khat, KEUTAMAAN mesti diberi AT MOST on WHAT TYPE OF KHAT he or she performed... because seni khat ada special dye... seni khat x same ngn seni melukis poster... because saper2 pn boleh lukis n mewarna... even budak2 pn boleh...

seni khat orang nak tgk seni keindahan tulisannya samade seseorang itu berjaya mengikut/menulis jenis tulisan yang dh sedia ade atau x. because in seni khat, we HAVE A LOT OF NAMINGS with regards to every type of khat performed originally. ONE CANNOT CREATE SUCH KHAT THAT HE OR SHE WANTS IT TO BE... mane buleh!!!! because we already have their own types.....

to be sincere, i object such judgement made in todays khat competition...
bukannk kater ana ni pandai judge, the fact is that if we are not ARIF, then why dont we just pass it to those who really are???

for bakal2 guru, just make sure nothing like what i am experiencing here happen in your future schools... REMEMBER THAT!!! because PESERTA PUN ADE PERASAAN JUGAK... for all penganjurs persembahan or pertandingan, PLEASEE TAKE NOTE... wallahua'lam

UNEXPECTED conservation... Ya Allah... Aku sujud PadaMU...

Ya Allah…
Just now I finished my Math tutorial class. I have met one guy coming from somewhere and sitting and joining my tutorial group.

Ya Allah,
He was so nice, he was so fluent in explaining everything about what did Islam mean in accordance to one question thrown by one of the members… a Maori woman(a girl) actually…

Ya Allah,
I was so ashamed of myself….

Ya Allah,
That woman( a girl student) was so exciting about Islam and that she endlessly threw lots and lots of questions following the upcoming Ramadhan that all Muslims are fasting in 30 days time. The conservation started when that guy said he is going to fast next couple of days… and as soon as the words were thrown… the girl replied: What???? “Fasting about 30 days! You are going to die!”… and the matured guy explained very very nicely about how that fasting going to work… and so forth… it was so deeply that I never expected….
Ya Rahimmm…

Ya Allah,
Although we did not finish that tutorial questions provided by the tutor, I really really proud of him…I am proud of having that kind of Muslim friend (though meeting him for just one hour). He was explaining all things with regard to many things about Islam.
I remembered: the girl asked: “ do you believe in Jesus”… and the guy replied… “Yes, because he was one of the prophets… and we believed in all KITAB … Quran… Injil… Taurah… Zabur…” Ya Allah, I never expected that the girl was too excited about Islam…
And for the guy, JAZAKUMULLAHU KHAIRAN…
WA YARHAMKALLAH… please protect him in this life and hereafter…
Wallahua’lam..

amazing!!!!!!!!!!!! that was pretty much,MAN!!!!! Orang Arab kecek klate... aWeSoMe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was surprised by one’s talk… he speaks kelantanese!!!!!! What!!!!!!!! An Arabic person who was born in Qairo can speak very very very very WELLLLLLL!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!.
I suppose you all watch what he is doing in that video. He is throwing KELANTANESE wordddddddddddddddd!!!!! Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My heart is broken..!!!!! If Allah has given him more or less 9 years to be trullyyyyyyyyyy a native speaker, LEARNING ENGLISH SHOULD BE TAKING LESS than that, isn’t it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!… If by memorizing 10 Malay words a day could transform him from an Arabic native speaker to a Kelantanese nation, why not ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... this video I would put into my heart, just as he put himself into that situation…
Again, and again, my deep heart is broken apart. Pieces are everywhere. IT BLOWS UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAS HE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! subhanallah…………………………….Ya Allah…

Couple of days before my final paper, I was searching pet shops all over Auckland area. But, I have yet found one which is the closest one. I was dying days by days, getting nothing to do. Unlikely, in the previous years and months and days, at least guppies and birds had been my friends over the whole year… it was 4 years more or less, I was playing around with some birds and fishes. And now, nothing… one ever said to me, the last couple of months, as this is your first time living in New Zealand, at least you should have a hobby held in your mind. His saying was definitely true, no doubt about it… his saying is true! I realized. No matter what I liked, I will never be able to have raring pets, fish …etc.. because we live in here.,... in one of hall of residents… I am afraid… I will become a person no one would never imagine before. Nauzubillah…

Ya Allah… I miss Sani Express so much… I need transport to wander around… alone… I need couple of hours to breath and look around the greenery… I need grass and mountains because they are all being very kind towards me… I used to board ‘it’ long time ago… long time ago… Ya Allah… I don’t know what to do… I need to be alone,,, because that made me appreciate myself … I was thinking…

exams!

Today I will have maths paper and …stats tomorrow. I wonder what kind of questions will be asked… In fact, we all wonder… hehe. All the best for those who are sitting for the exams today, tomorrow and days after tomorrow onwards… all the best!

some beta and guppy fish...

they are so amazing!!!

way...

there has been a long time i do not touch the word 'memories'... maybe the time has changed me... maybe the time has brought me to other paths that i do not know... maybe the time has gone too fast that so many things accumulate in my head at the faster rate... maybe i must learn ... maybe there has been too many assignments works to be sorted out... maybe it is time to learn to appreciate... maybe appreciating is not enough... maybe i may find my way... my own way... exactly one... some days.

a Queen who has lost in all battles...

This is what we called ‘life’… I found it is a nice phrase… my apologies Naemah, because I take your phrase without your permission… hehe…
More or less half year ago, I felt like everyone… my sisters and brothers... Mom and Dad… I felt like I was one of them where each of us needs each other… but it was months ago…it was long long moons ago….

‘Now’ is not as before…

When I was gone among them… when I left my family…. When I have last met my sisters and brothers… when I last saw them, everything has changed… truly changed
I am no more in my home… every new things has come and replaced the old one. I have no more responsibility, driving Mom and the whole family,… no more… I have no more actions to complete words from my Mom…

Like a Queen who has lost in battles…

And now…
Everything has changed..
because life must be continuous…
everything will change…
more and more change…
I will see…
and
be grateful…
astaghfirullahal’zim…

Ya Allah…. I don’t know what to today… right now…tomorrow….next weeks… I have been very gloomy this whole week… and last week… and last last week… I don’t know what to do…Ya Allah… the Most Merciful and… Tuhan Maha Pemudah Cara…

A lesson to be truly proven. Be brave to ask so many questions you would like to know as they don’t seem to care about getting lots. That’s ‘Mat Salleh’…

it hurts!!!!!!!!

Statistics is ruining me this time... i don't know how can i get to love Stats just before i enrolled the paper...huhu. Stats is a killer whereas i am a hunter... who is always in a hurry, chasing and chasing over the lecture, trying to pick up some understanding of the paper and the utmost, struggling to catch words coming out from her mouth... huhu. it hurts!!!!

ahh... headache!!!!!!!!!.. my head!!!!! huhuhhhh...

first arrived.

My class should start tomorrow. It would start. Again and again after I rest too much almost three months… but I could not forget the moment we were all in UNITEN somehow. I cried myself asking Allah to stop me from being sad all the time. When it’s time to be alone, I remember the place… UNITEN… what is the best there hahh????. Maybe the place was the first location where I got in touch with more kind of human being.
Last week, yesterday, today …. I am in Auckland… one place I dreamed of long time ago…

I went to fidri’s house just now… having talk and some joke with my ex-SHAMS who is too my brother’s friend. I was not looking at my watch because I knew having a look at it make me a bit fear. So, I did not notice how long I had been there till I reached home at 12 noon after buying two Qiblat direction finders or Malayly called “Kompas Penunjuk Arah Qiblat” at Mydin Mall...

In conjunction with my group’s going, every place I passed by, reminds me a lot of indispensable memories. I tried to mark every single place I crossed in my mind. I felt I would be very lonely over there… I was very very lonely. Of course, everyone would think that. No doubt about that, isn’t it? And for some, everything would change as they were adopted to the place they would deal with.

Today I fought with my Mom… the situation has been very gloomy…

It is today in which to change. But tomorrow unexpectedly to change but it won’t. I won’t. The willingness disappears. Like my cikgu did, I am counting the day too… everyone does somehow because nobody knows what is going to happen after that coming ‘big’ day in their villages and districts where they have been living since they were born.

In the past, I vowed to myself to keep blogging. But now, everything may or may not change. It is the time to change. After all, it is me who change…

Breeding guppy fish seems to be very simple. It is easy to say and make your dreams come true. Should you put your effort into turning it out. Guppies may not need water to be filtered daily, it makes me quite easy to work it out, unlike the ‘oxygen-pump-need’ fish. Of course electricity we have to pay out for that kind of fish. Day by day I have been looking after my guppies. They have gone good so far…
Just feed them 3 times in a day… everything will be okay!

The time is coming… it’s coming soon… it has not been too far… not anymore…
I decide to endlessly write daily… not actually write, I am typing…hehe. You feel tired. Actually you are not... not that exhausted. It is just how you work your mind out either to waste thinking about useless things or think about something to upgrade your baseless and unlogical thinking.

I am in great danger!!!!!...
Decision to stop writing in blogger may cause my “fatality”… I just realized a few weeks ago that my English language proficiency seemed to go down. Morever, I am not in UNITEN anymore… I am not being with groups of excellent members of the house… not anymore and I am not going to sit for the IELTS for this coming year…
Formerly, I had friend at my side who had not been annoying when he had to bend his ear on my English speaking…
I had Hafizzudin and Azizul who were very encouraging in working my mouth to come out with English words… even a word!!! Azizul especially always spoke English whenever I came to see him.. But now, I do not know who to be related to…
I am less fortunate speaker because I have been very fragile… very very fragile towards my spirit to learn English…
That is not that I hate English or not fond of learning that international language and so forth, I did love English… Because there are many things I do not know… my vocabulary and speaking are still at a very very low level. Even a form five student transcends me. I feel very very ashamed of what less fortunate body of mine needs to undergo.
Like what I often say, if there has to be many things we do not know or be explored to, if we abruptly are among those who master English very well( much better than me), recession will reign…

I get the fright of my life when thinking about who is going to seize the former Dato’ Razali’s parliamentary seat…

I am thinking of what kind of things we, people in Kuala Terengganu town will benefit from when the new Member of Parliament being appointed… and sometimes, I was very fond of seeing both parties trying extremely hard to retain the seat. They were all fighting for their success on 17th January 2009.

I felt very happy to see all these stuff happening… very very happy to have kind of democracy way. I like to see people within various ministries altogether went down to see the rakyat and feel the life which the rakyat have been facing all their entire life.

I am very glad to see three officials from ministry of education Malaysia who had stayed at my father’s house for couple of weeks…

I am also very happy to hear the home minister of Malaysia having staying at my mother’s friend’s house… Pok Lang(in Terengganu slang) is my mother’s officemate… he might be very nervous but yet he should not blame the minister for choosing his home to live in. how could the minister stay with lots of children… daughters and sons of his…huhhh!! All are still small, my friend!!! Can you imagine in that situation!!!!!!!! Naughty voices were here and there. That’s owesome!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha… ever Pok Lang had driven the minister to a lot of places the minister never knew and explored before…
Of course la… because he was from KL… ministers mane lah yang pernah datang Ganu ni…huhuhu. It was no doubt that their presence here was due to the coming by-election… mase ni lah baru hang semua nak turun padang!!!!!!!!!! Huhu… so, how can the rakyat recognize them more closely?...huhu…so, again it was no doubt Kelantanese had been choosing PAS to rule the state because they had appointed their ADUN that they recognize very well… that is what I heard. Somehow, well done, ministers!!!! We all always welcome you to Terengganu.

Come back with the Pak Lang’s story. With his old-fashioned secondhand car which costed approximately RM2000…more or less… huhu.. what a bad experience the minister had to bear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And congratulation to Abdul Wahid Endut for being appointed as Kuala Terengganu MP!

the coming Kuala Terengganu by-election...