I feel I won’t go home without you!!!!!!!...
i don’t know where I want to start the story about him…
should I start when we were at Pudu Bus Terminal??? Or should I begin when we are about to be at UNITEN…wondering…I don’t know how to begin with…I just miss him too much after all he had done to me…with no exception of his family…what a great man I ever had…
Staying for a night at his house was very very meaningful to me. Lok Heng was the place.
i was on the Transnasional Bus…on the way to Hentian Larkin, Johor Bahru…sitting beside me was a brother…a person who I loved very much…Only Allah knows…
and the next side was Kak Alia Kamalia…
Thinking that I would be feeling very lonely the next seventeen hours, I tried to bear a pain, a pain that I ‘m really scared of………”The Disperse”……...
“A teacher must be very strong”…my CHEM lecturer said. But tears abruptly dropped down...from my two eyes…that I could not stand it anymore…but tried to cover myself, looking around some hills and trees…but he was very quiet…very very quiet…I like to listen to his story about his life…I really hoped to hear his voice and poison…but nothing I could hear…in the four hours journey…nothing at all…a story I really really hoped to listen to…
Waiting and waitin
g then…and waiting some more…scared of ‘The Disperse’…
Where did I stop??? How should I proceed???....wondering….ops…here they are…
Never mind if he could not behave like what I anticipated he would…eventually we reached a bus stop, very near to Johor Bahru City…a place where I saw Kak Alia for the last time before going back to UNITEN in two weeks time…
bye Kak Alia...
At the moment I left the stairs of the bus, I grabbed my pocket, feeling that something was missing…my handphone!!!!!! The bus!!!! Ya Allah!!!
Accepting the fact was quite difficult for me within the first 15 minutes…but there was a person, a person who had given me thousands calmness…“him”... at that time, I totally ‘pasrah’ for what was going on…but….
But…the thing did not stop just like that…there was an event behind the Chinese Greatest Wall…event where I admired him the most… he tried very hard!!!!! I knew it!!!!! Never let me down…what such a passion peer…
ahh!! Here they were…his parents…auntie…and too… a cute little boy, Akmal…in a Saga…a car that I ever saw in UNITEN where they dropped by for picking him to have a sightseeing around Putrajaya the past two weeks …never forget that…what such a happy family!!!
…“How did you know?”…a question from him that I still remembered........but remember!!! My room was at the diagonal of the block…where I could see a lot of memories…walks of life…on the ground…
Seven thirty… it had been completely dark over there…
But how…how could he tell his Mom and Dad??? Just for a second hand Nokia????????
I felt…I felt I want to straight away go home…
And it had been a very very and very long journey I never expected…to Larkin…merely to get ‘it’ back…what’s….!!!!!!!!!!!huh.
every mile, thinking and thinking then…and thinking some more... “rasa bersalah menghantui jiwa”… rasa bersalah tahap neraka!!! Aduh laaa..!!... I begged him how...
He seemed to be very exhausted…I knew that…his father too. I felt I wanted to take over his father’s front seat, driving the family…really want to…
It was all my fault!!!
I could not stand it anymore… he seemed to put his right arm onto his head…it was dire obvious…that he was really really tired!!!… What had I done towards the family!!!!!!!!
Johor bahru is really a big city…shopping complexes are here and there… but…
but…
…the mood was not there at all… all I had seen were the mist... nothing I could see…
the family!!!…Sahrul!!! they were the only people I could ever see… in the moon of light…it was very bright in the car…
Larkin... eventually… we reached there… but the recent driver of the Transnasional bus we boarded was not in there… calling and calling then…
And calling some more…
It made sense…finally…
there was an answer…the driver!
The man, a kelantanese, was in his bus workshop…saying that he would be out at 9p.m for another route…Johor Bahru- Kuala Terengganu…
It was very far… near to Masjid Larkin… we headed ourselves to the spot…
But… no one was there…
Ya Allah!!!
Running here and there…in the workshop… he looked very very tired then…
Already eight thirty… hoping that all these hard efforts to be turned out, rasa bersalah semakin membakar jiwa…
Again he tried to call the driver…
A man dressed up with red formal cloth seemed to be heading into the workshop…we tried to ask him…
...Not long after that…................................heaving a great sigh of relief as he just had a talk with the driver and said he was on the way to Larkin Bus Terminal, we dragged ourselves to the mark…
Again Sahrul tried to call… It made no sense…
To Larkin again, but this time, it really really made sense… we found him…finally…
But Sahrul…Sahrul was very tired… he was very very tired I ever noticed… and Akmal was not in good mood…
All I concerned of were not the handphone…not at all…but
…but the family…Sahrul!!!…
It was already nine…
Getting onto the car, we straight away rode to Kota Tinggi district. Lok Heng was the focus… but I…
It was all my…all my faults…Akmal, who was in bad mood, started to exhibit his uncomfortable face…and begin his ‘cute’ action… towards his Mom…
Thinking and thinking then…and thinking some more…
“What am I going to say to Sahrul…and his parents???’… It was very dark outside…the oil palm lands…there was no lamp post at all along the roads… no at all…
Trees…oil palm trees could be seen all the way to there…I like trees… whereby they would refresh my mind a lot… but…
But…not this time…It was totally different… I could only see him and his family…everywhere… Ya Allah!!! What have I done???
No more voice penetrated my ears…the next hour of the journey…
‘he’ was awfully exhausted…lying his back head onto the soft cushion… I really concerned about him... a person I loved so much…
A person who had taught me so many things about life…
I remembered… his face was very common to me that once he did not come to throw questions, I felt like I missed something very precious… I remembered the style he knocked the door…three knocks with a gap then, and so forth…until I stood opening the door…
But there are other things behind the wall…as the part was really…really touching my deep heart… I could feel some more cracks...arg!!!my wall!!!...what's!!!
finally…
we reached the house…green theme colour of the painted wall fascinated me a lot… I like soft greenish colour… long I stood…
bringing inside all bags, everyone seemed to be dire tired… It was already twelve…
I’m afraid of my presence there…very afraid…trying to cover myself…
happy and sad seemed to exchange...
the night went through…very softly…
Sahrul was the first person to sleep…that was what I ever expected… macam mane tak letih if so many motions he had contributed in the night…but I
I kept my eyes open every second of the night, feeling very afraid of tomorrow…
the birds started to sing, indicating the new day was going to take over…
thinking and thinking then…and thinking some more… I was very sad as the thing was going to take place… ‘the Disperse’… three hours left… it scared me!!!… Ya Allah!!!
Having two ‘Karipap’ and a plate of fried rice in the pleasant day, I kept on thinking of the thing… a thing that frightened me all this while… ‘the Disperse’…I was very afraid…
Television!!! No one seemed to watch that TV… I made my step…to there, having watched ‘Malaysia Hari Ini’ slot… it was quite interesting. While Sahrul was excitedly playing a play station game, a football game, I sat watching TV…
Time to set off!!! I felt I cannot… I cannot leave the family…Sahrul… I cannot…after all he had done to me… I cannot… it was too heavy to make my way leaving off the house…I felt I can’t!!! Ya Hayyu…Ya Qayyum!!!
His Mom!!! Apparently, she knew most of the things about me and my family…it was after having a long talk with my Mom at UNITEN during the registration day….June 30, 2007… I still remembered. I wondered at the first moment… It was all ‘kebetulan’ that I never expected. What’s a!!!... A very nice talk held before I left the memorial house heading to the Kota Tinggi Bus Terminal by Saga. I was very scared…all the way to there…
At the bus terminal, it was not on my purpose that I met two women; both of them rode the same bus as I was… I called them ‘Mak Cik’ and ‘kak’ respectively; one of them mentioned that it had been eleven years for she, borne in Terengganu, did not swing by the state…what’s an odd news!!!…very odd to my ears … 11 years!!!
The time was very near and nearer then… I waited and waited then while Sahrul was at my right side… and Mr.Hatta was just next to him...
The time…eventually…
I had to face it… Ya Allah! La i la ha illallah… La i la ha illallah… La i la ha illallah…wAllahu akbar... as to me, every moment has no end…
…no eventuality at all… as it never ends… wAllahua’lam…
my beloved bus!!!!! hope to see you again...really...
Wisma Darul Iman
PAS president, Abdul Hadi's mosque... takes place in Marang district.
g then…and waiting some more…scared of ‘The Disperse’…
