I hope for something to be almost perfect… but it won’t be…
I hope for a thing to be more flexible… but it did not…
Instead, it worsened!

Everything to be change, but nothing I could change…
Every single matter to be sorted, but life never approved…
Every woe had a coming stop, but mine almost none…
It may not be…

The next three years I would be in New Zealand…
Sent by Allah… God Willing…
Hoping for something to change…
A little change I would be very thankful…

I felt quite tired playing around all these things… but it never changes.
So, what for?...
Are all these trying to make a mockery of me?

But,
Alhamdulillah…
I’m alive…
Up to now.

It was nothing to throw the books at everyone even though I felt like everybody was trying to make a mockery of the project… even though I felt it was not coincident!... a pigment of truth has yet been met…

“Dead in the water”. I got that fright of my life since I knew more about myself. I must keep my end up, struggling for honour I aimed!

NTCY08

I have gone through the Kenegaraan course organized by Biro Tatanegara of Prime Minister Department. It was the National Teachers Conference Year 2008(NTCY08)…

Biro Tatanegara Programme is waiting for me to come… The location is just the same as the first BTN I attended last year in the month of July… and for sure the facilitators will also be the same. However, I get a fright of my life when talking about such programme! It is not kind of hatred feeling, I enjoyed myself in the last BTN but there were parts that I felt very scared of somehow. And that occurred when LDK and kind of provocation(it’s not provocation actually) took place… but this coming second BTN will be more challenging and unpleasant. The ways for sure will completely change. Everything has changed…

end of pain for all... yOu aLL HaVe bEeN vErY KiNd tO mE... tHaNkS aLoT!!!

Awards from my imaginary friend which I had been told to pronounce for your hardworking days you spent:

1…………..the best leaders of all. Sahrul has been the greatest leader since I knew him handling lots of community projects and he really deserved it...2…………..k.wani, not knowing how to describe, has been the best of the best female leaders (of all actually), having lots of difficult days since we were all introduced into the third semester... very precious towards the 'community'.
3…………..Farah, also known as ‘Cg’ (as to me), the most perseverance member of the house…
4…………..Fieqa, I should be calling her, the most effective leader… a great respect I put onto her. She managed Water Gala very well… well done, my friend! and others too…
5…………..the best advisers I should call upon… you have been meeting all the ‘requirement' to accept this…
6…………..the most understanding of all.
7…………..the best assistants
8…………..the most patient... all of you ladies and gentlemen!
9…………..the best captain/conductor
10…………the most right
11…………the most hardworking
12…………the most indispensable of all

Know the legend leaders in my book.
Leader of great projects… Orphanage project in Kuala Terengganu, Terengganu… programme with Orang Asli in Kuala Lipis, Pahang
Leader of Water Gala event
Leader of Convocation function

Once you’re a leader, you must always be a leader… a leader must act as a leader, taking good care of the welfare of all… that what i've learnt!

Thanks Allah for giving me chances to go through the third semester that I have learnt a lot… it was just a start… I knew

Once you understand your role, everything will be smoothly and perfectly done… no matter how busy you are with your own/personal problems you encounter, a task is a task... and a role is a role...

UNITEN… where dreams come true…
UNITEN… part of home… a home to remember

a home of all...

I won’t let anything unpredictable and unwanted happen during the matrix of process of Orang Asli project… because it was a big ‘amanah’… a big responsibility I should play in… amanah from my dean… my adviser… but as my heart whispered, I should not be a leader as I uphold my father’s saying: “satu-satunya makhluk di dunia ni yang sanggup menerima amanah dari Allah hanya kalangan manusia sahaja. Semua makhluk selain manusia x berani nk menerimanya kerana sesungguhnya amanah itu amatlah berat tanggungjawabnya”… I did not say that I could not be a leader… but masa yang sesuai belum tiba as I am not matured as others… You all know me kn! I need time to learn to be a leader. …

Convocation is just around the corner. Not knowing I am going or not going, my head puzzled. One thing to remember… no matter what professions do we take and no matter how big we are in an organization, do not do last minute work as shown by one of the faculties here. It might tarnish your image and your company’s as well. As we work later on, be as professional as we can. I need formality!!!!!!!!!!!!…we need formality!!!!!!!!!!!...not just teach and in a sudden, mid-term test we have to sit for without formal note. What the hell is it!!!!!!!!!!!
That was not a good example to view… really really bad to uphold. Please friends…

nothing much i could do...

I went home… because life is uncertain there… uncertainty came into my life long moon ago… not because I did not want to see friends again…
I do really want… you have been my best friends… no doubt about that. I am afraid of the woes at UNITEN… with the faculty management… there is not certainty… no at all…

I went back because I felt… I felt it was all not coincident… the uncertainty faced by me, my poor self,… the uncertainty happening within the faculty as I entered the university a year ago… not anymore coincident…

Anywhere I went, uncertainty would reign… no one can dispute that fact…

I went home because I did want to distribute problems to all of you… I went home because I felt I must…

I went home because I knew you all suffer. I could not even open my two eyes to have a look at your hardworking days… long I knew…

I went home because I did want to meet any kind of uncertainty again because it has been making me sad and sad as seconds passed.

I went home because I felt it was a must… a must to be fulfilled… long I stood… it was all uncertain.

I fall between the two tools… it was all uncertain… I fall between Monash and Auckland…
I fall between in and out of country to pursue…

I fall between going home and staying at UNITEN…

I fall between making medical check-up right now and later…

I fall the utmost between jahil rulers and more knowledgeable group of people… who should I go with???????????????who??????????

all I have printed in my note book. Each woe I wrote… because nothing much I could do to myself… writing was all I can… it was all written on my book… how much you all suffer from me and my own suffer…

no one could tell. I went home as it was a must… for better life of others… and that I should pronounce myself… “Very poor on me”… it was not coincident at all… not at all

This morning, SELSET had reminded us many things of preparing ourselves(those who are pursuing their studies in New Zealand) and a lot of lot of things she did mention in the session. Passport, visa and medical check-up making are among those utmost essential things to be settled in this short period of time. And also regarding on the accommodation application of the desired university of our choice. this morning posed, i would say, kind of chaos among us that we need to settled things up (at least passport and medical check-up making) within a month. That's long enough i think.

Towards completion… that was a nice phrase. I like it. I got from Najwa. Thanks a lot!

the time has been flowing very fast. two more weeks still left.............. and then we disperse...
a time flow to be remember!.....

I know nothing about the future...
Long I am standing and gazing and thinking… thinking of what I am going to face… thinking of when I am going to be back to my hometown for the last time… I think and think some more… and think some more, trying to seek for something I never went and got through…
Sadness has been appearing… and appearing with a non-stop mode… it keeps going and going. I have spoken sometimes but yet again I have been silence for quite a long time, I remembered because I have been keeping too much memory. They are all in my mind…

slowly it moves....

Everybody is going to head for home…
leaving UNITEN (especially Amanah and Ilmu) entirely homeless.
It is really touching
When
at last all classmates who has been doing intensive classes in Calculus and Physics, are packing for home…
some have already gone…
and I’m alone…
I’m very afraid I cannot see you all again…
I’m afraid if the ‘time’ arrives.
And I have no longer chance to be in this great ‘family’ again.
Tomorrow (September 27) will be my turn.

Sani Express… 9.00 am…


17 more hours left…

It has been a very long time I did not update my blogger even a word…
As mentioned, it was not me not to update… it was all about this semester woes that we could not escape. This particular semester I expected to be very simple and easygoing seemed to be vice versa. Mood swings were everywhere, every moment we were at.
But I have got to be as strong as possible…
I have to be kind of venturesome although I’m afraid to…

It is better to care for many rather than only one
Eventhough it is the ‘one’ that I love very much
It is better to take care of many hearts rather than one heart
It has been my mistake
A big mistake to be caring and loving
Towards ‘it’
All this while
And now I realized
We could not satisfy all hearts
We should ignore the one
Whose
Face was really really
Irritating me and others tooooo
Its behaviors to NEVER
Remember!!!!
Let ‘it’ drives its own life
because
we have more indispensable work to be done.
Not only ‘it’!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have our own ways and it has it’s.
I have my family. Bigger responsibility should I play in there.
Peer is just a peer.
Just a peer!!!
No more than that!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s PPOU… members of the House…
They were all having fun with the kayaks…
I could see…
The boys…
Laughing towards the girls..
And
The girls…
They gave a feedback…
Although it was quite soft and gentle…
At least some things penetrated my ears…
It was very very pleasant to my two ears…
Laughing about myself, it was a real joke…
to say a friend(very confidential to reveal his name) when he shouted,
there would be a big hole that the tasek would automatically be waterless… so that the four of us could take back the floating bottles and the rectangular rocks attached to the bottles itself under the sea level…
Hahahahha… what’s a true joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha…